‘Jersey Shore Family Vacation’ Recap: Keto Guido Dies* Betches

On Jersey Shore Family Vacation, Jenni v dramatically announced she was leaving last week due to Snooki creating her rando sidekick into the house and generally just sucking overall. Tbh, I don’t really attend if Jenni leaves at this level considering her primarily lamentable kit choices and her psychotic preoccupation with her friends shaping her a Mother’s Day video. Vinny has had more important matters to deal with, as his uncle passed away unexpectedly. Which means we will most likely be without brain or solid one-liners for the entire episode.

So Angelina is provoked that Jenni is leaving, which surprises no one. She like, truly is intended to be Jenni. It’s creepy. Snooks freaks the f* ck out, but according to the report of Jenni, she wasn’t in the Mother’s Day video so it’s whatever. What is with this f* cking video? Who expects their friends to be in a Mother’s Day video for them and freaks out when everyone thinks it’s weird? Is she perplexed? Does she imagine she delivery Snooki?

The Situation : It’s like a chihuahua trying to fight a pitbull. We all know how that ends.

Yeah, pitbulls actually tend to be pretty sweet and docile while chihuahuas are thunderous, aggressive assholes that attack and reap* minuscule sums of* blood.

Oh no, Joey arrived. He’s already annoying.

Ronnie : Let’s invite Joey when everything is spiraling out of control in everyone’s life.

If I’m agreeing with Ron, something terrible has happened. They’re all going out to a team and Pauly wreaked Keto Guido Cheese, who he has now renamed Skinny Vinny. But he unfortunately doesn’t last long, because Angelina takes a f* cking bite out of Skinny Vinny. Which according to Snooki, is cheese that has been out of the fridge for three days. I don’t even know the kind of cankers you get from that, but it’s pretty on brand for Angelina overall.

Meanwhile, Joey is taking his shirt off and sucking out of the sparkler bucket. Moderately much the amount of class I’d assume from Snooki’s BFF. Ronnie has to have a exchange with Joey about personal infinite, which, like, what ?? If Ronnie is telling you about borders, where are your life selects, Joey?

Somehow it gets worse. Then he sexually besets Sitch, who btw, is engaged.

Joey : If you appreciate me in the shower, you might get aroused.

Joey, he’s just not that into you. Or even continue to attract people. Sitch then sics Joey on Pauly. Speaking of Pauly, he is super wino, and then starts soiled dancing with none other than DIRTY HAMSTER Angelina. Who is supposedly participated, but is this the same guy that she cheated on before who didn’t care? What does it stuff at that point? She’s mostly dance molesting Pauly.

Mike : It was debacher-ary. It was befuddling.

He should be required to define both of those messages. Snooki thinks Ang chiselled because she was basically humping Pauly on the dance flooring. Which, like, fair.

In the taxi residence, Pauly tells Angelina to just let him know if she wants to have sex with him. This has been all Ang missed for the last decade, soooo I’mma say she’s going to take him up on it. Too, ew. Pauly is soooooooo wino. Mike is babysitting him and treading him to the chamber while Pauly remarks on how he requires the hotel’s wall sconces in his own residence. Pauly then drunkenly drags furniture around then legislates out on the couch. Meanwhile, Joey and Snooki are bothering. They ride the escalator as a roller coaster and talk about how Snooki doesn’t dress slutty because she’s classy now. Jenni is so over her friendship with Snooki and packs her sh* t and leaves before the roommates break up. That’s f* cking mean, even in this context.

Vinny is back home going his ass erased by his mother, as he’s always dreamed. Then they talk about newborns( why) and then Vinny mentions he doesn’t want a child and ever exploits protection. To which his mother reacts,” Yeah, I find them in your laundry. The golden negligees .” F* cking ew. At least shed your condom negligees out, you nasty.

Everyone goes to the pool where there is one of those simulate surfing depots. They thrust Joey to do it because he’s only here for the cast’s humiliation. He mostly lies flat on the members of the committee and then goes owned and his bathing suit falls off. Sooo … I suspect he fulfilled his determination?

Ron goes to see a lawyer and I’m v sick of this storyline so I didn’t bother listening.

Apparently it’s their last darknes in Vegas and they’re going to see Chippendale’s. I didn’t realize it was their last night–like so Jenni left literally one day early? She couldn’t stay one additional daytime to razz it out? Also, enjoy how no one seemed to notice that she’s gone. Or attend. Perhaps Granni Jenni should check her position before season 3 if she wants to be invited back.

Pauly wants to have one extra boy’s night in Vegas and is persuading Mike, Ronnie, and Vinny to stay to hang out with him without the girls. By “girls”, I mean Snooki and Angelina and Joey, all of whom are terrible.

At the Chippendale’s show, some guy takes a shower ??? This is part of the show? Then Angelina goes up on stage and they basically accost her. She also takes off some guy’s pants on theatre. All of this is aggressive. Oh, and then the show is over. They didn’t really sell it for me.

The Situation rehashes his stripper daylights, which we already know were awful, because well, he’s awful and his dancing was horrible. He then finally admits that his dancing was so bad he was demoted to waiter. That took almost 10 times for the truth to come out.

It’s officially the last day and Angelina complains that she doesn’t want to leave Vegas yet. And it’s like, f* cking plainly, you’re irrelevant in real life and it took you forever to be included by the group.

Pauly is still obliging everyone into one more guys day and teaching him to feign he is leaving so the girls don’t bide. It’s a perfect propose, except for the fact that all of this is on TV, people, so they’ll see this and totally know. Mike instantly goes to the girls and says something like, “I’m staying here,” uncovering the secret plan.

Pauly : Mike, shove nutrient in your mouth, just stop talking.

They should have kidnapped Mike for the guy’s weekend and not actually told him anything. Duh. Pauly has decided that GTL has changed to the girls’ forms, with the “L” now representing Lips. Because they have crazy f* cking lips.

Ronnie blames women for his sh* tshow of a life, which, genuinely? This is totally your fault.

Jenni and Deena meet up in real life. Tbh, I’m over both of them. They’re boring and old-fashioned and announce about their husbands and babes all the time and I simply have no those who are interested in it.

So everyone goes to the pool, which Pauly declares it’s PMS time, because it’s Pauly-Mike-Snooki time, and it’s” their time of the month .” Then Joey noticed a person that seems corresponding to him and forms out with him literally sitting right next to everybody else and it’s super awkward. During this time, Vin announces Pauly, and Pauly tells the girls it’s his mummy. Mike then again rats out that he’s not leaving to the girls. Mike, are you sure you’re sober? You are so stupid, you’re reacting like someone who is on drugs.

Angelina is carrying and saying she had a great time and she had to” build her line” to which Pauly clarifies, her “skidmark”. Vinny is hiding in the lobby waiting for the signal from Pauly that the girls are travelled so guy’s weekend can start. Pauly is so over the girls, he’s not even lamentable they’re leaving, he’s more like,” K bye-bye, f* ck off .” Which tbh, I share sympathies about the girls right now. Why were they all so boring?

I guess next week is going to be exactly guy’s weekend? It’s the finale, yes? I don’t know what’s happening anymore.

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