6 Food Trends That Have No Business Being At Your Wedding

Look, we understand that marries are stressful for everyone involved. The bridegroom would probably rather gobble his shoe than be the center of attention. The bride is locked in a battle of fiscals and decor with her mom and mother-in-law. The bridesmaids are ready to stab each other over separating the proposal for the bachelorette defendant. And we, your wedding clients, precisely miss a simple open bar and some goddamn red-hot food.

But Pinterest and the internet have betrayed us. Food veers for marries are leading unchecked into really be stupid country. Be it naked cakes, or nutrient trucks, or all things fusion, we’re here to guide you on what you def shall not be required to be do for your marriage when it is necessary to feeding us.

1. Doughnuts

These belong in brightly colored accumulations flecking the crappiest roadways , not on a cutesy peg card at your dessert table. I’m sorry, but is that shit exactly ASKING to be poked, poked, burped on, and otherwise touched by the nasty toddlers you allowed to be present during your special day? Hard pass.

2. Cupcakes

These were cute in 2012. They now have no place on your dessert counter. Negative bonus degrees if they’re mini and organize your patty. You, ma’am, can fuck right off. Are you a bride or a bitch hosting a sweetened 16? Grow up.

3. Food Trucks

Are you a Brooklyn hipster, a hipster hopeful, or just trying to be a dick? Go onward and have a meat truck at your marry. While we see these acceptable for cocktail hour( but barely ), representing your guests stand in line for made-to-order food, when we’re already wino and tired and only want to eat mashed potatoes through a straw, is viciou and unexpected. Did you know that nutrient trucks used to be referred to as Roach Coaches? Yeah, so plow ahead and have one. I fucking dare you.

4. Breakfast For Dinner

Oh, I’m going to keep my meat payment low-spirited but thrill my guests with tepid flannel-cakes, runny eggs, and tepid potatoes! Yippee! You realize I could have this for a part of the price down the road at Waffle House, right? A wedding–especially an night wedding–is no goddamn region for your brunch dinner.

5. Mini Everything

Oh my gawwwwddddd, search how cute this tiny taco is, next to my tiny tequila shot, next to my minuscule beef wellington. Hey guess what–if you have an open table, I’mma involve some real meat up in this bitch. Full size dishes, please. Unless you’re design on hosting a tea party for small children, go ahead and introduce me down for the full length steak, full sizing shots, and full sizing fucking dinner.

6. Around The World And Fusion

Pick a fucking country–even two–and settle on it. Unless you and your planned are each like, Indian and Mexican and Native American and Italian and Jewish, you don’t need 20 fucking dishes representative of your culture. Uh , no, I certainly don’t want Korean-Jewish fusion tacos or sesame chicken next to my matzah projectiles. Knock it off. As was once said in “It doesn’t shape you a traveler of the world, it prepares you full of shit.”

Read more: www.betches.com

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